I sometimes wonder if people doubt me and judge me because of my gender, my age, my shyness, or my body type. This has always been a hard internal battle for me, worrying about how others perceive me.
The beauty of this whole getting older thing and inheriting some confidence through BJJ is that I am learning and adapting to the ideology of having no f*cks to give about how people perceive me.
This is the level 0f no f*cks to give that I am striving to be. It’s good to have goals to work towards.
I still have a lot of work to do in this area though.
But, here’s how I see it:
If you judge me because of my gender, you are an asshole.
I grew up with a dad that taught me that anything boys can do, girls can do too. Not once did he ever scoff at the idea of me wanting to race cars or climb trees or go fishing or play in the dirt. He taught me that any challenge in front of me had nothing to do with me being a girl and everything to do with how hard I was willing to work for it. That sometimes, because I am a girl, I might have to work harder to prove myself, but that anything was within my reach if I don’t give up.
If you judge me because of my age, you are an asshole.
I get that 36 isn’t ancient yet, but in the minds of young pups I’m knocking on the doors of nursing home detainment and wearing Depends.
I like the philosophy that you are only as old as you feel because honestly, I don’t feel old. I also like the philosophy that you are never too old to change your life, try something new, or challenge yourself.
This guy is badass.
My mom and my aunt spent the majority of their adult lives teaching and when the time came to retire they ventured into a whole new career and opened a retail store. They knew nothing about running a business. That was 12 years ago and today they run one of the most successful stores in our industry in the whole freakin’ world. Seriously, we ship to countries I didn’t even know existed. My sister and I owe our careers (and so much more) to two women that didn’t let age define their direction in life.
Age is just a number.
We older ones may be a little slower and whole lot achier, but we can still show up, put in the effort, and do our best.
If you judge me because of my shyness, you are an asshole.
My shyness and social fears have been the biggest thorn in my side for my whole life. I fight internal battles with it every single day.
This sums up so much of my life.
Sometime after I turned 30 I was fed up. I was tired of letting certain circumstances control my outcome and decided that I could make the choices to move forward in a different direction. I made a choice to work on bettering myself in anyway I could.
I learned that the best way to overcome these challenges was to put myself out there and to get out of my comfort zone. I learned that I could survive embarrassment. I could survive talking to people. I could survive my fears and become a better person because of it. Some days my shyness gets the best of me, some days I get in my head so much that I can’t breathe, but I am on a constant quest to get better.
The good that has come out of all this shyness crap is that it has helped me to understand that we have no idea what someone has been through, what unique challenges they have faced or are currently facing in their lives.
I once had someone make fun of me and put me down to my face when they got me confused with another person. I sat out of an event because of my shyness and this person basically told me how stupid and laughable it was thinking that it was another girl.
It was me.
Not gonna lie. I didn’t do a very good job of not giving a f*ck about that one. It hurt.
If you judge me because of my body type, you are an asshole.
This one is pretty simple. It’s that whole why would you make fun of someone that is overweight at the gym. They are obviously trying to better themselves. We should all get behind and support someone that does that.
The same person that made fun of me to my face about shyness also, in that same conversation, made fun of my weight while again confusing me with the other girl. It didn’t matter which one of us was being made fun of because we were both roughly the same size. (Which blows my mind that they didn’t think about that!)
I think people that say shitty things about overweight people who are in a gym trying to lose the weight are the assholiest of all the assholes.
I’ve lost 50 lbs so far. I still have another 25 to go. I may not be in the best shape but I am working towards it everyday. It’s been an incredibly slow process whether it be because of my age or medical reasons, but I will never give up on reaching my goal weight.
So, I get that none of us are perfect and that we all can be judgemental. In some cases it’s hard not to be. I get it, we are human. I fully admit to being a sarcastic asshole 90% of the time.
But, what I am saying is that my ultimate goal and what is important to me is to never make fun of, judge, or doubt someone who is putting themselves out there and trying.
Boy or girl, young or old, shy or outgoing, fat or thin, and everything in between all of those. If you are trying, if you are working hard, and if you are putting yourself out there, good for you.
That is something that I do give a f*ck about.